we are all born mad. some remain so.

back home... finally. the whole week has been rehearsals rehearsals all the way for huiguan. my desperate attempts to get everyone to perfect the show has caused some unhappiness. but i really cant care less. my working style has long been to used to the perfect coordination of emotions, speech and chemistry amongst the actors, so i expect the same here though the director is different.

snapped for the very first on wednesday. TOTALLY snapped. i just couldnt smile or pretend everything's going well. just started shouting and gave a total black face. i tink even my boy started to realise im actually ANGRY. wasting time when dont even have it in the first place.

thursday was like God sent. my boy started doing things correctly, lines smoothened, feelings flowed... i wonder was it due to my snapping. i really hope they remember it. if not i'll totally flip.

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rag... i didnt even do much, or anything for that matter. bcos of huiguan i couldnt do anything for rag... not with negative feelings. i love doing productions, so i do not regret not joining rag. i did visit a little on friday... and this morning i went down to watch. sheares won like almost all the hall awards hahaha... the rag design, float, presentation and centennial dance award... something given for commemoration of 100 years. WE GOT IT! hahaha... madness. screaming, tears (mostly from me) and cheers and laughter... but somehow i felt i was not part of it. i hardly did anything. the reason why i shed tears was because i felt how they were feeling... i understood them. but otherwise i was just a useless being.

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soon i'll be the one rushing to arts house during the coming week for bumping in and light tests, costumes, makeup... i'll make sure its gonna be worthwhile.
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otherwise... im happy! its just that im so busy (hence stressed hence depressed) this week i dont even have time to cry... tired... very tired...