we are all born mad. some remain so.

we live in a society that fears change, so theres no telling how a revolutionary new plan to change the look of supermarkets will go over.

nevertheless, such a plan is exactly whats being proposed in this blog today.

lets begin with this hypothesis: people are ok with shopping in a supermarket as long as its the one they usually shop in and they know where everything is.

but once they go into an unfamiliar supermarket, their stress levels go through the roof.

suddenly, their minds are a jumble of questions.

wheres the milk? which aisle has the campbell mushroom soup? the bread- issit in the front of the supermarket or the back?

soon, what you have on your hands is an irritated, half-crazed shopper racing a trolley up and down the aisles and barking questions at anyone stocking the shelves.

"the bah kuteh spice packets- WHERE ARE THEY?!"

so that, basically, is the problem.

now, how do we fix it?

simple: we demand uniformity in supermarket layouts.

we, the grocery-shopping public, demand that no matter what supermarket you're in- Shop and Save, Giant, NTUC, etc.- the layout is the same.

the milk will be over here, the campbell mushroom soup will be over there, the bah kuteh spice will be in another place- but always the same place in each store.

as to exactly how this can be done, well, i've got that covered, too.

(look, im not going to propose something as bold and visionary as this unless the whole thing has been thought through yah? this isnt some half-built terminal 3 in changi airport. this thing has all the lists checked twice, mr.lee)

heres the plan: all the products in a supermarket will be arranged in alphabetical order.

NO, hear me out.

those items that begin with the letter A- apples, asparagus, alcohol- would be located in the first aisle all the way to the left as you walk in.

the A aisle will blend seamlessly into the B aisle (biscuits, bananas, bleach). And the B aisle will blend into the C aisle (cat food, cereal, condoms) and so on.

this will be especially convenient for anyone shopping for one or two items.

do you know how irritating it is to dash into a store for, say, a pair of tongs, only to spend 20 minutes wandering the aisles looking for the stupid thing?

this is why people are so rude to each other.

who wouldnt want to beat someone on head with a 3310 after you just spent 20 minutes trying to find tongs?

well, under my plan, those days are over.

in fact, once we get the supermarkets to sign my proposal, i think you'll see a general trend of people being more polite to each other.

also, not to brag, you'll probably see fewer people seeking counselling for marriage problems and getting jailed for killing their maids for buying the wrong things in the supermarket.

because, look, under my plan, when you go into a supermarket for a pair of tongs, you'd go straight to the T aisle.

and you'll know the T aisle would be located somewhere on the far right of the supermarket as you enter.

so you wouldnt have to wander all over the store and risk having some frustrated shopper slam into you with her trolley because shes so preoccupied with trying to find, er, i dunno, panadol or alphabet macaroni.

which would be in the P aisle and M aisle, respectively.

*no, alphabet macaroni would not be in the A aisle. in this case, you go by category type. dont think too hard about this. go with your first instinct.

anyway, the beauty of this plan lies in its simplicity, although selling it to the big retail grocery chains would probably be tough.

you know how those people are.

with them, everything is focused on profits than anything to do with the union congress.

and all you want to do is find the tongs.