we are all born mad. some remain so.

What really happened within the government during the Beslan School Hijack.

Day 1:
Nothing.

Day 2:
Nothing.

Day 3:
Fradkov: Vladimir! You're back from Hawaii! How was it?
Putin: Removes garlands from neck OOOHHH Mikhail... it was great with a capital G! The coconut shells... hmm hmm! I even took some back!
Fradkov: Good, good! Aside: I thought Bush specifically warned him not to pinch the bras the last time he was there? So I expect my end of year holidays there to be as enjoyable as yours!
Putin: Certainly! So, have you done what I told you to before I left?
Fradkov: YES! Let technology rid us of troubles of the past, present and future! I did exactly that.
Putin: So wassup?
Fradkov: Well, nothing much. Except there is a hijack again.
Putin: Oh my God! "IS"??!? Which means I still have to clear up the mess. Darn. So how long has it been?
Fradkov: 2 days ago.
Putin: Please don't tell me you didn't do anything!
Fradkov: Well, we replayed your whole speech from the Opera House Hijack.
Putin: The WHOLE THING?
Fradkov: Of course NOT! We muted the words "Opera" and "House" and replaced it with "Beslan" and "school".
Putin: Good. Did my mouth look unnatural?
Fradkov: Not at all! We seeked the best of such technology. Look. (Points at a group of people behind him) They're from WETA!
A big hairy man emerges from the group.
Jackson: Howdy, Mr.President!
Putin: PETER JACKSON! OH MY GOODNESS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I ENJOYED LORD OF THE RINGS! I believe the Academy Foundation received my commendation on it!
Jackson: *winks* OH YES. And I believe you received the autographed set by Orlando Bloom?
Putin: Of course. whispers I wear the silk thong everynight to sleep.
Jackson and Putin giggles
Fradkov: Vladimir. We have a problem.
Putin: WHAT NOW.
Fradkov: It seems like the hostages are mostly children!
Putin: I thought you said they were Chechens!
Fradkov: I said the Chechens are the HIJACKERS, not HOSTAGES!
Putin: GREAT. I want you to clean this mess up, NOW!
Fradkov: FINE! Bends down to wipe the floor
Putin: I meant the HIJACK, not your pee!
Fradkov: Well we can call the SWAT team and eliminate all the hijackers!
Putin: Good idea! Let's do that now!
Fradkov: flips files Damn. They left in December when we used their salary to book the flights to San Fransico!
Jackson: Not to worry matey. I gotcha covered. I'll call in some extras.
Putin: Thanks! But will the hostages' lives be put in risk?
Fradkov: Nah. That's as much chance as Enya singing R&B.
Putin: OK LET'S DO IT!

copyright protection and disclaimer: the above is an extract from Christina's crappy brain. No part of it is to be reproduced without credit. it is purely for humour purposes, and is not an accurate projection of the series of event of the Beslan school hijack.