we are all born mad. some remain so.

MacDonalization.
watched super size me with joel on monday. holy cow that show is really motivative in cutting down on fast food. im swearing off it for at least 2 or 3 months. i felt sympathatic for MacDs. the company cant do anything!

i got back my GP! 55.5! i know it isnt fantastic or anything but im elated cos i've always flunked it...



THE SECRET DIARY OF LEGOLAS, SON OF WEENUS

Day 1: Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest there. Agreed to follow some tiny men to Mordor to throw ring into volcano.

Very important mission.

P.S: gold ring so tacky.
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Day 4: Boromir SO irritating. Why must he wear that big shield like a dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy little man who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down.

Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship.

Go me!
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Day 6: Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Very afraid I am developing a tangle.

Orcs so silly.

Still the prettiest.
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Day 10: Gandalf fell into pit. Anyway, I think I am developing a spot on my nose. VERY serious situation; Elven spots likely to last for 500 years or more.

Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.
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Day 11: In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel prettier than me.

Am quite sure she copied MY hairstyle. I had it 1,000 years ago. Bitch. She was most annoyed that I used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath.

Chose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. NOT one strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now?

Still prettiest by far.
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Day 30: All this paddling in boats is hell on my complexion.

Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Still the prettiest.
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Day 33: Boromir tempted by Ring. Tedious. Am not tempted myself, as I already have everything I want, i.e. Perfect hair and butt like granite.

Have been getting strange letters from someone calling herself "Christina" who wants to do obscene things to my elfhood. Fortunately have super elf vision so can run away if I see her coming.
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Day 35: Boromir dead. Very messy, most unnecessary.

Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to get any attention? Boromir definitely not prettier than me.

Cannot understand.

Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other, rather cute really.

Quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting.
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Day 40: I'm running!

Day 41: I like to run!

Day 42: I look good when I run!

Day 43: I also look good standing still. Running across Riddermark very good excercise. I swear my butt has just gotten firmer. Is that even possible?
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Day 47: Is Gimli staring at my butt?

Day 50: Suspicions confirmed. No wonder he's always lagging behind.
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Day 52: Unnerving moment when bumped into Eomer. Thought he might be prettier than me until he took off helmet. Fortunately he looks like an orc. He hit on Gimli but I warned him right off. Nobody tries it on with my dwarf.

Am still the prettiest.
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Day 53: Pile of dead and smoking Orc corpses SO not pretty. Aragorn showed off and went on and on doing a Sherlock Holmes talking about the hobbits laying about tied up. Do not know why he thinks kinky hobbit games so important.

Still prettiest.
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Day 57: Argh! Fangorn Forest. Leaf mold terrible for my complexion.

Still prettiest but a bit on clammy, unwashed side.
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Day 60: Bumped into Gandalf who is all sparkly white now. Am jealous. Asked him, "Who do you have to blow to get last bottle of bleach in Middle Earth anyway?" Gandalf said, "The Balrog." Not worth it.

Am rethinking, though. Black roots are showing.

Still prettiest although at this rate for how long?
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Day 61: Asked Gandalf for Balrog's number. Gandalf said I couldn't call him. I told him not to be jealous and posessive. He said he wasn't, just that he killed Balrog last week.

Note to self: never date Gandalf.
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Day 65: Arrived in Edoras. VERY upset. Suspect Eowyn is prettier than me. Most unexpected. Always thought shield-maidens were more hefty, pear-shaped types.

Not the prettiest! VERY bitter.
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Day 75: Aragorn stood up to Theoden today. Aragorn so slutty. Have goosebumps.
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Day 80: Hair, face, body, absolutely hideous. No longer even remotely pretty. Considering suicide.
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Day 87: Aragon fell over cliff.
Con: Am stuck with ugly looking Evenstar.
Pro: Eowyn's puffy face no longer pretty. Am pretty again!
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Day 99: Aragorn back. Apparently falling off cliff head first not as deadly as one would have thought. Told him to throw me down and shag me senseless, but he clapped me on the shoulder in a manly fashion and said, "Yeah, it can get a little chapped sometimes but just put some lotion on it."

Aragorn just kind of a wanker, really.
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Day 110: Battle of Helm's Deep SO embarassing. If was not bad enough to face thought of death at hands of smelly Orcs, now Haldir saved us by showing up with really bad complexion. Shame on Elf community.

On plus side, Eowyn stuck in disgusting cave. Perhaps will develop cave rashes. Then I will be prettiest forever.
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Day 111: Battle over. Gandalf always fashionably late. Hopes for after-battle quickie dashed cos Aragorn sulking over postcard from Faramir. Jealous over Ringbearer. Told him Sam will kill Faramir if he tries anything but Aragorn not cheered up.

Heartless man. Received suggestive note from Eomer. Will go see if what they say about men of Riddermark is true.

No one has bothered to get Eowyn out of cave yet. Still the prettiest by far!
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