we are all born mad. some remain so.

the following is a reflection of my days in aki as a mediocre student.

in most of my days in aki, i struggled with the fact that i was never really cut out to be an architect. while during some rare days i felt i could most definitely see myself designing a building from concept to construction.

truth be told, i never thought about this career path until i was choosing the nus courses. i never took art or AEP or had any artistic qualities. i wasn't good enough for law, neither did i want to take arts unless i really had no choice, and aki seemed like a fine choice because it was something different, and i was always interested in classical western architecture.

when i was in year 1, my civics tutor back in jc was surprised by my move and commented that i wasn't "architectish". back then i somehow knew he was right. i preferred writing, maybe reading, doing literature on movies or plays. totally lacking discipline, i entered a course which fundamentally required 85% of that (the other 25% i'll credit to talent, luck, artistic intuition).

in retrospect, i never regretted it. in fact, i believed i've actually spent the past 4 years was trying to make it up to myself by training self discipline and concentration. what could be better training then to cough up 6A1s every semester trying to contain succinct ideas of concept, intention, strategies, process, perspectives, plans, sections, elevations, details and physical models?

by the end of year 4 i guessed i only managed to achieve a year 2 standard of a someone who probably has much more discipline and the other 25% of previously listed qualities.

but i had already developed a guiding principle in life, which is to never regret whatever happens. you know those guilt pangs we usually feel when we are slacking instead of doing work? when it happens i'd always ask myself "do you want to continue slacking, or start doing your work?" if i chose the latter, i'd then make a pact with myself "if you get screwed in one way or another for this, you aren't allowed to lament or wallow".

so i wouldn't say life sucks, or bad things happen because it was never meant to be, but because the shitty things that happen usually occurs due to your own doing, or your own limitations.

but hey! besides being a QP, there are still so many other things to do with that same degree. i could still design buildings (or part of it, depending on how big the project is), do interior, i could still do stage design... but i don't think i can ever see myself as a QP, taking legal responsibilities for collapsing buildings. i still like my designing... and i think i can conveniently predict that in the next 5 to 10 years, only less than half of us would ever be a QP.

but i think the best thing that came out of all this, would still be the friends i've made :)