we are all born mad. some remain so.

a cousin just found me on facebook.

its not just a normal cousin. its a cousin from THE OTHER SIDE of my family, the part where i had no recollection of since 7. i'm unable to comprehend the situation, and the words that came out of my mouth immediately when she identified me by telling me she knew my brother and sister's names was: "farrrkkinnng weird."

she looks totally NOT LIKE ME. i checked out her blog link that she puts on her facebook, and wow. what a life she's having! kate spade bags, overseas education, a pet puppy, etc. but what can i say to all this? i tried hard to run away and forget that part of my life, and i somehow did managed to. i grew up without fussing so much over the fact that i never mentioned much about the other half of my family (except that my ang bao collection has always been half of what others would normally get). and i do think im leading a really normal life after so long.

so when i checked out her facebook profile, i seriously don't know why but i was trying to look out for something that i could point and say "AHA! terrible, horrible person she is!" and ignore her and just move on with my life. on the contrary, she leads a perfectly normal life, just like any other 23 year old singapore girl would. she likes shopping, she watches heroes, and that 70s show, she listens to rachael yamagata, norah jones and even SUEDE for God's sake.

who am i to judge her? who am i to WANT to judge her? just because things ended with bad memories kept doesn't mean life doesn't go on. life DOES go on, and what makes me different from other people? nothing! how do i even begin to understand the feelings i'm having now? i expected myself to start screaming and kicking up a storm over this like i thought i would when i was 7, yet i'm oddly calm and am somehow enlightened and somehow apathetically amused.

the world is really too small. you can never run away from things you want to escape. 1 year down the road, 5 years, 10 years or even 17 years, it WILL get back to you to make you face the truth.