we are all born mad. some remain so.

upcoming august production

frankly speaking, it is WEIRD to be back on stage after a year's break. its not a negative feeling, but just NOT as excited as i thought i'll be. i don't feel as comfortable as i was and i tink i know the reason.

during my 1 year break, i watched movies to feed my acting cravings. theres so much ive learnt from great movies. the emotions, so subtle and natural. while on the other hand, stage requires more exaggeration (both action and emotion), physical positioning and the lines that you speak are more stage-ish, i.e: more dramatic than what we will normally say.

i don't feel comfortable with myself on stage, the lines, almost everything. i want it to be real and rational, which sadly isn't what the show is going to be. but theatre can never be the same as movie, or vice versa.

theatre can be abstract, which is what makes things more difficult. i suddenly feel not quite up to standard.

attended the junior's mini production. how should i put it? the whole show was what we would do at their age. the acting, to me, is far from the yardstick i placed upon what i will label 'good'. when i watched them, i was silently asking myself "oh God. i can't believe i was like that last time". when my teacher saw me and clara she went "oh our stars are here to watch!" i felt awkward. if i was what i was 2 years ago i would have given a sheepish grin and screaming like a million bucks in my head, but this time i felt guilty. is what ive been doing what she thought was good?

after all these years, i think im a lousy piece of shit. acting on stage should never be an all-outward display of emotions. some should be kept inside your heart to be felt and noticed. but it seems that the harder i try the worse i get.

ive finally crumbled in my own arena.

weight woes

im currently reading this book by charles de lint, my favourite author. he did a first person narration on one character "though the weighing scale seems to be saying ive lost some pounds, i just know the fat cells are biding their time, waiting to pounce out on me once i nibble on a muffin or a cake."

which is totally how i feel now.

but i didnt really care. i ate these 2 days. 3 VERY full meals plus SUPPER. ive yet to step back onto the scales to see how ive tipped back to square one.

i also have the perfect excuse to stop running. LNG and the soles of my asics are flapping out.

Lord, give me the strength to resist instant noodles and potatoes and sunny side up eggs and roasted chicken drumsticks... kaoz i feel hungry all over again.

exempt the rich, tax the poor

i found out... that the truth is many singaporeans are leading a financially shit life. message to everyone: either be VERY rich, or VERY poor. just don't be the middle class people.

or be a woman.

or just migrate and marry a rich old ang moh.
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walked past the poster for teenage pregnancy crisis help group. remembered what i heard someone being interviewed said:

"we shouldn't have such adverts and organisations for teen pregnancy! this is condoning teenage moms!"

right. does that mean we shouldnt advert for drug rehab and the yellow ribbon cos this is condoning criminals and encouraging people to commit crimes? *roll eyes*
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