we are all born mad. some remain so.

honestly, i have NO excitement in national day. why?

-PM Goh is leaving
-LHL is going to take over
-prelims are coming
-im not prepared
-im still fat

this is the first time my family didnt hang the stupid flag. does this mean something? i think singapore is the only country where the citizens feel so strongly against the country. esp for teenagers.

tell me, who actually sings the national anthem and takes the pledge with unmost pride everyday?!? we either use the time to close our eyes and take a wink or we just stone completely.

there's no NE lessons, and even if there is, its a lousy one and everyone, even the teachers will be slacking and everyone wants to get it over and done with. wait. what teachers? many are from overseas, not to mention the students. why the hell would they want to feel patriotic?!?

in kindergarden we trick the kids by giving them singapore flags with sweets in the pole, so that when they wave the flags frantically trying to get the sweets out, adults interpret it as excitement and happiness.

in primary school they can still cheat us by making us draw the singapore flag and enter competitions so everyone tries to be number one.

be number one. yes. thats when the reality strikes us. what EM1, EM2, EM3... (now they try to make things look nicer by merging 2 and 3) some stupid band 1 2 3 4, WHATEVER. PSLE.
so if you get under 220 you're a goner. if you get more than 240 you're average. if you get 250 and above ooh. you're good. but not gd enuf. 260 is good. and 270 and above would be sufficient to get you to top schools. SO WHAT?

in secondary sch its another aimless rush. isnt the best thing in sec sch the friends and sometimes, the teachers? just keep doing TYS, practice practice, occasionally if you are good at the subject, you'll think that "YES. i LOVE the subject, its my FAVE subject!" its totally not because you REALLY like it.

you like chemistry. oh really? do you know what it is actually? WHY do you like the subject? is it because you ALWAYS get the answers correct? is it because you like adding chemicals with each other and identifying the right effervescent? is there REALLY a noble reason why you like it? i dont think so.

you like maths. WHY? because you like getting the most difficult questions right by using the formula that you've memorised?? who's REALLY interested to know how formulas are derived by whom and by which theory? in a time like the O and A-levels, who really has the time to find out such stuff?

so in JC you'll think oh those in poly seldom make it. and those in poly will think oh most of those in JC are stuck up shits. and those in ITE will think oh those in JC AND poly are fuckers. if you're good, you either get better or maintain it, if you're ok, you're ok. if you're lousy, no one cares about you.

so what now?