we are all born mad. some remain so.

how would i describe today? ive never felt so alone before... but somehow it was therapeutic. decided not to go school, so went woodlands to spend a little time with myself.

sitting in macdonalds and practiced some stats, drank about 4 cups of free flow coffee. counted 11 packets of sugar and 3 packets of powdered milk used. i must haf had an overdose of coffee, for my hands started shaking and my heart beat against my chest furiously.
looking out of the glass window and saw "cathay cineplex" staring back at me. decided to catch the 2.40pm underworld in westmall. settled a little in the woodlands library and read up on practical criticism, and went for lunch.

i dont know if it was an adrenaline rush or the coffee, it must haf been the latter cos my whole body started shaking even more than before. i decided that i can never be alone ever, for never have i felt such a sense of loss. i found myself silently talking subconsciously, commenting everything, even the weather, to no one else but me.

this has got to be the first and last time watching a movie alone. it really sucks to haf everyone gawping at you like yu're some kind of vampyre cos yu're watching a movie ALONE. even the ah peh in the cinema was wif his wife. the whole movie was kinda gory, but perfect gothic setting, i shld rate the setting higher than the one in LXG. other than that, the whole movie plot etc was not really THAT impressive, maybe cos i had too high expectations for goth movies? it was a little resident evil-ish. after the movie i found myself acting like a vampyre. but i didnt really feel alone anymore. i felt numb, i couldnt even smile. guess i simply cant live in a gothic era.

well now im back at home. feeling kinda celine-ish.